Tytania Strange

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:09:52 GMT

I have three kids in camp. Two are my private students. One is not. My two private students are outgoing kids. The third kid isn't. My two private students catch on to everything right away and rock everything I give them. The other hasn't spent enough time working with me to know how my mind works. So, the end result is two kids paying attention to each other and ignoring the third. This is not how I teach my kids to act. This is not the kind of teacher I want to be. Right now, all three of these kids are my students and I owe them all the same consideration and attention. Period.

Now the two are saying that the third is being mean to them. I don't see it. I see kid number three breaking into smiles during the few times when she is blocked to actually interact with the others and the rest of the time they ignore her. Is she lashing out now? Probably. If she is, it's because the other two helped create a dynamic where the third feels attacked almost all the time so what they see as "helpful" she sees as "aggressive."

Me? I am ready to fucking cry. I am ready to scrap the whole thing. I don't want to make costumes tonight.

I recognize that my two private students are far ahead of the third kid. I also recognize that they have advantages that she doesn't and I refuse to be the teacher who chooses pets. I think that teachers who do that are lazy, pathetic cop-outs who have no business "teaching" anything to anyone. I demand better from myself.

And I demand better from my students. ALL of my students.

So, tomorrow, it's as if none of this ever happened BUT if the behavior happens again, I will let 'er rip with the tantrum and the tears because they need to know JUST HOW NOT COOL THIS IS.

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:21:58 GMT

Dog found. The neighbors took him in for the night and then brought him to the vet whose number was on his tags. The vet called my sister and now the baby is home safe and crazy.

It's just too much sometimes

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:16:19 GMT

My sister just called to say that her dog got out while she was at the theater. Now she's desperately searching the neighborhood for him. Oh lord, you guys, I just didn't need this. I really didn't. I just keep praying that she'll call in the next 30 minutes to say that she found him. That way, I can get some sleep. There's only so much freaking out that I can do.

Meanwhile dad is complaining of chest pain but won't call the doctor because he doesn't want to be told that he needs to go to the emergency room.

Seriously, this is more than I can handle. It really is.

Even more stupid, stupid vampires...

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:39:38 GMT

It's been so long, I can't remember where I left off, so I will pretend that I left off here...

When we last left our intrepid undead, Clever Sister had disappeared, Prince Vampire was killing everybody and everyone who wasn't dead or absent had gone tearing off to Yorkshire because oh-crap-we-totally-left-undead-Young-Wife-locked-in-a-crypt-up-there-so-sorry. When Young Wife is lucid, she is none to pleased about her situation, luckily she isn't lucid all that often, so that's okay. Most of the time, she thinks that she is still alive, that is, when she isn't a ravening hell beast bent on sucking the blood of the living. Baronet has his hands full with her, that's for damn sure. In her hell beast state, she has turned him in a vampire but he is none too good at it. As they make their way, by night and in secret, back to London, she does the hunting and he feeds from her. Once in London, Baronet is certain that Clever Sister will know what to do. She always does.

Baronet and Young Wife are unaware that Clever Sister is now a vampire herself, and is locked up in Prince Vampire's bedroom because you don't get to be a vampire prince by letting clever people who happen to be really pissed off at you go running around, thwarting you all over the place. To all outward appearances, Clever Sister is very much subdued and un-thwarty, which really isn't a good sign. She is scheming and plotting like nobody's business. She has come to the conclusion that men are idiots, because if they weren't, Lawyer Friend would have deciphered all the really obvious clues she left behind and Prince Vampire would be dead...well, more dead. Clever Sister concludes that she is on her own. She is fairly sure that if Prince Vampire were planning to destroy her, he'd have done it by now. She is equally sure that, if she were capable of destroying herself for the sake of innocent humanity, she'd have done it by now. She could try to escape but she has no idea what she would do if she did. Your options are somewhat limited when you're the devil's undead. All she really need to do is slip away for long enough to bash Lawyer Friend and Baronet over the heads with a heavy stick until they get some sense knocked into them and slay the evildoer before it is too late... which, for Baronet, it already is.

Prince Vampire likes power, that much is obvious. From what little Clever Sister has learned by listening at the door, which she finds to be far more effective than screaming and pleading and making a scene, Prince Vampire is planing some sort of major takeover of something or other. Clever Sister knows that you don't have power unless you have money and plenty of it. You don't just sock the stuff away in a moldy basement either. You have to be like Young Wife's family with their businesses and investments. Clever Sister doesn't have that kind of money, but she does have an allowance that is just about due to be paid. Technically, she is no longer entitled to that money, because she is undead but, she reasons, if she's still walking and talking, who is to say that she isn't alive? Her solicitor is practically a criminal already, so it isn't as if he will ask difficult questions. She just needs to convince Prince Vampire to let her out to collect the allowance, then she can slip away somehow or other to find Lawyer Friend. She knows where he will be, because one of the clues she left him explicitly laid out where she would meet him and when. When it comes to scheming, Prince Vampire has nothing on Clever Sister.

You don't get to a vampire prince by not knowing when your unwilling new girlfriend is plotting against you. On the other hand, living as mortals, with all the benefits thereof is a lot more appealing than sqelching around in sewers or being dependent on a bunch of vampire-worshiping loonies which is what he has going on right now, and it's starting to grate on his nerves. Between the tricked out cow skull in the parlor room, the ridiculous looking robes and the chanting at all hours of the night and day, he's ready to put all his followers onto the menu. Clever Sister is patient, which is a good trait to have when you're plotting, and it's likely that she's come up with something pretty impressive. Luckily, Prince Vampire has an ace in the hole, because Baronet and Young Wife are holed up in his basement, unbeknownst to Clever Sister, two floors above them.

Young Wife is hardcore batshit crazy. Her maternal instincts have gone all wacko. She hunts toddlers. Under other circumstances, Prince Vampire would just kill her, but without her, Baronet won't survive and Prince Vampire needs Baronet in order to control Clever Sister, so there you are. So, what to do now? Clever Sister is shocked and horrified, but not for very long. When you have a lot of time on your hands for plotting, you tend to work through all the possible contingencies. No one has seen Baronet die, so from the world's point of view, he's alive. As for Young Wife, either they pretend she was buried and alive and it's a miracle or they hide her away. The only question is, will Young Wife stay hidden? Most of the time, she doesn't even know she's dead, so how can they convince her that she is not only undead but insane? For now, a miracle it will have to be. As for Lawyer Friend, Clever Sister will meet with him, not to betray Prince Vampire as she had intended but to warn him off. Lawyer Friend knows their secret and that means he's marked for death.

And so, Clever Sister slips away, just as she'd planned and she finds Lawyer Friend, just as she'd planned. It's all terribly tragic. She hasn't fed and doesn't dare touch him. He refuses to simply let her go. She pleads. He vows. It's all quite touching, muses Prince Vampire who has followed from a distance. It's also a trap, but the question is, a trap for who? Prince Vampire is here to kill Lawyer Friend. Lawyer Friend is armed and ready to kill Prince Vampire. Ultimately, Clever Sister manages to get between them and nobody kills anybody. Lawyer Friend comes away certain that Clever Sister is on his side. Prince Vampire comes away certain that Clever Sister is on his side. One of them is probably wrong, but it's impossible to know which one and Clever Sister isn't telling.

Prince Vampire and his recently created vampire family take over Baronet's house and property. He'll keep some of the cultist followers, but that cow skull thing has got to go. He has no interest in superstition and nonsense, because he has bigger fish to drain of their blood. He is not the only vampire in England, after all, and he isn't exactly flying under the radar of the ones in control. He's going to be a busy little bee.

In the meantime, the badass vampire ruler in England- in the movie version, he'd be played by Bill Nighy because Bill Nighy always plays those part, so let's call him "Nighypire", didn't get to be a badass by sitting around with his thumb up his butt when power mad vampires from out of the way, dumpy little provincial countries in the Carpathian mountains blow into town. His official Enforcers of the Rules have had their eye on that guy and his new little coven. But who know Prince Vampire's weaknesses and has a big enough grudge against Prince Vampire to devote years of his life to becoming part of a select organization of vampire enforcers just for the sake of getting a chance of kicking Prince Vampire's ass to kingdom come when he makes his move? Who oh who might up for that? Oh yeah, Lawyer Friend is so up for that. He still loves Clever Sister, although apparently he doesn't love her enough to forget her and move on like she asked him to but whatever, Lawyer Friend will be REVENGED on THAT JERK who RUINED HIS LIFE. From now on, Lawyer Friend is Tragic Avenger.

Will Nighypire's commendable Englishness be a match for Prince Vampire's ruthless ambition? Can Baronet keep Young Wife's wacked out Ophelia act from getting them both perished? Whose side is Clever Sister on already and will Tragic Avenger just get over it already? Stay tuned for more stupid, stupid vampires...

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:31:37 GMT

At this moment in time, my mother is not speaking to my sister. My sister has no idea that mom isn't speaking to her, because it isn't as if you can call a person up to tell them that you aren't speaking to them. This means that Mom can't answer the phone, just in case it's my sister calling because she'd have to hand the phone over to one of us right away, so that we could explain to my sister that Mom isn't speaking to her. I think psycho-sis may have some clue that something is up, because she had her hubby call in earlier to give us a status report on their return home. He called around 4pm, about the time when they were supposed to get home from their Disneyland trip, to tell us that they were about to have dinner and then they would be driving back home. You see the rule is that you have to bring someone into this world in order to take them out, so brother-in-law is safe from our parents. My folks won't be looking for an iPhone app that will make his phone detonate mid-conversation, likely blowing off his ear. So, now we get to wait for her to call, so I can tell her that Mom isn't speaking to her, with Mom standing over me, telling me all the reasons why she isn't speaking to my sister, which my sister will hear because Mom will be yelling. Yeah. Can't. Wait. "Hi Psyco-sis... no, you can't talk to Mom, because she's not speaking to you... yeah, well she would have called and told you herself, but she's not speaking to you. I'm sure you can understand her difficulty in this matter..."

Classical singer forums in a nutshell

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:35:12 GMT

ZOMG, you guys, the Titanic is sinking!

Why is everyone so negative? We shouldn't dwell on things like sinking! The Carpathia is still afloat!

Hey, how would you guys arrange these deck chairs?

These deck chairs are all wrong for this deck!

I prefer blue deck chairs on this deck.

Only a moron would say that. Everyone knows that this deck is for red chairs only!

Like it matters. There haven't been any decent deck chairs since 1953.

Actually, I saw a really great deck chair last year.

You don't know what you're talking about. That deck chair doesn't come close to living up to all the hype.

Look, nobody asked you about the quality of the deck chairs. We were just talking about arranging them.

Who gave you the right to tell us whether or not we can talk about deck chairs?

Given the fact that we're all about to drown, who gives a shit about deck chairs anyway?

I think we should all pull together and donate for some new deck chairs!

Why should we pay for deck chairs? The Titanic should supply us with the chairs.

I like the chairs on the Carpathia better anyway. I'm going to buy them more chairs. They're not sinking, after all.

You should be grateful for the Titanic! You're really mean!

I think we should have both red and blue deck chairs on this deck.

I've always hated this deck.

I like coming to this deck, but I don't arrange chairs here. My chair-arranging skills are better suited to another deck.

Ummm... guys, have you noticed that all the chairs are kinda sliding to the other side of the deck...

Duh, didn't I tell you that these deck chairs suck? If they were better chairs, they wouldn't be sliding!

People don't appreciate good deck chairs anymore. There's no emphasis on chairs in the schools.

I blame recliners. Recliners made people stop appreciating deck chairs.

I'm going over to the Lusitania, see ya suckers!

The Lusitania sucks. I'd rather be on the Titanic.

OMG did you see the way they arranged the deck chairs on the upper deck?

The upper deck sucks.

I hate those chairs.

I love those chairs!

The lower deck has better quality chairs.

I think the lower deck is underwater right about now.

Why do we have to talk about being underwater? It's depressing!

We're all going to be underwater because we're freaking sinking, you guys! I'm getting in a lifeboat.

Good! More chairs left for me!

I'm getting a purple chair!

There are no purple chairs. Chairs are always blue or red.

Actually, I heard that the important chairs can be purple, but you have to be on the upper deck for that.

I think we just lost some chairs, guys.

You can't lose chairs! Deck chairs are supposed to be on the deck! You can't take deck chairs off the deck!

Has anyone else noticed that this deck has gotten really crowded? I don't think we have room for more chairs.

That's because half this deck is covered in water. There's less deck to put chairs on.

Which school is the best for arranging deck chairs?

Did you see who won the deck chair competition?

It's rigged. They always pick the same deck chairs.

Holy crap, one of the smoke stacks just fell over and crushed the upper deck!

Well, that deck was mismanaged, They shouldn't have been so close to the smokestacks!

Does anyone remember what happened to the person with the purple chair? I don't see them around anymore.

They messed up their deck chair by arranging it wrong.

No has arranged deck chairs properly since the 1970's. I remember that one chair...

Remember the green chair? There will never be another green chair!

Holy crap you guys, our deck is going under! This is it! We're finished!

Well, it wouldn't have gone under if we had that green chair.

No, the green chair ruined it for the blue chairs.

No one asked you for your opinion about the green chair.

So, how should we arrange these deck chairs?

*glug*

Sometimes I think I'm not really a coloratura

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:31:40 GMT

And then I listen to my recital recordings and realize that I am what I am.

And I really need to do another demo recording.

This is dedicated to the lovely and talented suntop who sent me the music for this song. Behold, I bring you Cupid's Couplet de Baisers with bonus high F#'s and a sustained E because I have no taste.

https://rcpt.yousendit.com/702807416/92588ce4699514a662fef7e9f95f6e01

Why do all the crazies live here?

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:12:05 GMT

Dear neighbor:

Believe me, when my dog barks like a maniac, it annoys me as much as it does you. I don't relish having to chase my dog down every ten minutes. I'd actually be feeling sorry about the dog being such a pain if you hadn't called me "sweetheart" informed me that I could "kiss your ass" or said that my dog "wasn't long for this world." This would be me documenting the exchange, by the way. As for telling me to "go to law school" I'm assuming that you aren't aware that my dad, the owner of said dog, is a lawyer and I actually did study pre-law for two years.

Sadly, I'm afraid that going to law school would be rather time consuming and expensive, but I did take your advice to heart. I decided to look up the noise regulations in my area. According to the law, my dog is allowed to bark non-stop for up to ten minutes or intermittently for up to thirty minutes but, and here's the kicker, if someone is trespassing, threatening to trespass or otherwise provoking the dog, then the dog can bark her head off forever. So, all those times you've yelled and threatened would count as provoking the dog which pretty much negates any claim you can make about the noise. It also means that I can report you to the police without having to worry about my dog getting into trouble.

Needless to say, I will be letting my dog out for nine minutes at a time or so. When I have you dragged off, I want to make sure there's a minimum of fuss on my end.

So, thanks for the advice and I'm looking forward to our next chat!

Sincerely,

Tytania Strange

I just show up when my appointment book tells me to.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:54:03 GMT

I actually managed to somehow have all the music for yesterday's recital learned and, where appropriate, memorized. I challenged myself to do a new aria along with the tricky duet (I still don't know how I learned it) and the new translation and cuts for the Impresario trio. I figure there's a lesson in this somewhere, namely that learning music isn't a problem if I make it a priority. This stuff only becomes an issue when I decide that goofing off should be my focus in life. They really need to sit everyone down at their music school auditions to say "You know how everyone has time for family and fun and just sitting back and chillin'? You won't be having that. You won't be having that ever. Consider yourself lucky if you see one episode of the latest TV show over a six month period because if you are actually in your house, sitting in a chair during prime time then your career just hit the crapper. Sorry about that." Even if I'm not at rehearsal in the evening, I know that I have shit to do that will keep me away from the latest episode of (fill in whatever people watch these days since I haven't watched actual normal television in well over three years... maybe longer... oh crap... not since Buffy was on Tuesdays. I have no life.)

Today, I did the last edit on the recital dialogue. I lost my Sarastro and had to move a couple songs because the pacing was bugging me. The pages are now printed and ready to go into the binder. Then I entered "I am the captain of the Pinafore" into Finale so that I could move all the voices into treble and then I dropped the key from A to G to save myself the whining about the high As which aren't even that high. Seriously.

Tomorrow, I am entering my little bit of "A British Tar is a soaring soul" into Finale and putting together a hat for Cousin Pheobe. I also need to find the captain's hat. Then I'll fix a typo or three in the Pinafore music, re-print the messed up pages and we're ready to go with Pinafore. If I have time, I'll start in on the bits of the Flute Quintet that need to be fixed and I'm expecting that the book for the accompanist will be ready on Tuesday.

Tuesday night, I'll be making the lock for Papagena's mouth and assembling the Papageno/Papagena hats. I'll most like get the queen's crown and the ladies hairpieces done then as well. The ship's wheel may or may not get put together on Wednesday morning. By Thursday afternoon, everything will be complete and loaded into the car. Then all I have to do is rehearse for the next couple of days until we perform on Sunday.

After that, I can start planning out the program for my own recital in October and thinking about recording a CD.

The latest draft of the June recital...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:21:47 GMT

I'd write a real entry but after 4,000 words of editing MarySue of the Opera and about 2500 words of recital dialogue, I am so done expressing myself with text.

Opening Song: Flower Duet

During the end of the song, Papagena wanders in looking lost.

Papagena: Hello? Papageno? Anyone? This place doesn’t look familiar at all. I think I’m lost!

The Evil Pink Flamingo Twins enter at the back of the stage and whisper to each other…

Perky: Come on, stop dawdling!

Pinky: But what if someone sees us? They’re after us!

Perky: No, (pointing to Papagena) she’s before us, so she can’t possibly be after us.

Pinky: Think of the risk we’re running!

Perky: Yes, Running would be risky, since it would look suspicious.

Pinky: She looks suspicious to me.

Perky: So much the better! The more suspicious people there are, the less people will suspect us.

Pinky: (happily and out loud)And we’re the most suspicious of all!

Papagena: Hey, who are you?

Perky: I’m Perky and this is Pinky.

Pinky: and we’re the evil pink flamingo twins!

Perky: No, we’re very good flamingos (flamingo pose)

Song: Downy Jailbirds

End of Song: Downy Jailbirds

Papagena: I know what you are, you’re thieves!

Pinky: (hurt)We’re not thieves, we’re flamingos.

Papagena: Then you’re very bad flamingos.

Perky: No, we’re very good flamingos, see? (the flamingos stand on one leg in the classic flamingo pose)

Papagena: I think I’ll be going now.

Perky: Wait! You’re not from around here. I bet you don’t know the way. We know the way!

Pinky: The way to get into trouble (Perky smacks Pinky)

Papagena: Okay, which way should I go?

Perky: I’m not sure you’d want our help, since you think we’re such bad flamingos.

Pinky: But doesn’t everyone think we’re bad flamingos, Perky?

Perky: Not now, Pinky. I’ll tell you what, if you say that you think we’re good flamingos then there will be no hard feelings and we’ll show you the way.

Papagena: Fine, I think you’re good flamingos

Pinky and Perky: You told a lie! (they padlock her mouth and run of giggling)

Song: Magic Flute Quintet

End of Song: Magic Flute

Papagena: Even with flutes and bells and all that, I’m still not so sure about all of this. We don’t know what’s waiting for us out there!

Song: A Whole New World

End of Song: A Whole New World

Pamina: See, it’s not so bad. We can have some adventures before we go home.

Papagena: I wish I was home already.

Pamina: But don’t you like having freedom?

Papagena: I’d feel a lot more free at home where they don’t padlock you for nothing!

Song: Freedom

End of Song: Freedom

Papagena: Well, we might as well get going. I’d like to finish enjoying my freedom before it gets dark.

(Buttercup enters)

Pamina: Maybe she can tell us the way to go. Excuse me, do you know the way to Sarastro’s land?

Buttercup: I haven’t been there myself, but I think the HMS Pinafore is headed in that direction. If you help me with my basket, you can come on board with me.

(They exit together, during the next song, the palm trees go away and the ship’s wheel is brought on)

Song: HMS Pinafore Opening
End of song: HMS Pinafore Opening

Song: I’m called Little Buttercup

End of Song: I’m called Little Buttercup

Boatswain (pronounced Bosun): Aye little Buttercup, the happiest and most popular person in all of Spithead!

Buttercup: Popular? Happy? Me? May be, for I have dissembled well. But, have you ever thought that beneath a happy and popular exterior there may lurk a canker worm that is slowly but surely eating it’s way into one’s heart?

Boatswain: No, I can’t say I’ve ever thought that.

Deadeye: I’ve thought it! (All recoil from her)

Buttercup: Goodness, what’s the matter with all of you?

Boatswain: Oh don’t mind her, that’s Dana Deadeye.

Deadeye: It’s a beast of a name, isn’t it?

Buttercup: It’s not a nice name.

Deadeye: And they all hate me because of it, for you all hate me, don’t you?

Boatswain: Well, Dana, we wouldn’t want to hurt any fellow creature’s feelings; but you can’t expect a person with a name like Deadeye to be a popular character, now can you?

Deadeye: No.

Boatswain: It’s asking too much, isn’t it?

Deadeye: It is. I may be the best sailor on board ship, but with a name like Deadeye, everything I do and say seem like the depraved actions of a diseased imagination. It’s human nature and I’m resigned to it.

Buttercup: It’s not human nature, it’s total lunacy! A person is a person no matter what their name is!

First Mate Rackstraw: That is also true.

Deadeye: It’s a strange world!

First Mate Rackstraw: Dana Deadeye, I have no desire to press hardly on you, but such a revolutionary sentiment is enough to make an honest sailor shudder.

Boatswain: Hey everyone, our gallant captain is coming on deck. Let us greet her as so brave and popular an officer deserves!

Song: I am the Captain of the Pinafore

End of Song: I am the Captain of the Pinafore

Captain: Today is an important day, everyone. Miss Josephine Porter, the admiral of the fleet is arriving to today to visit our ship. See, her barge approaches, manned by twelve trusty oarsmen and accompanied by the crowd of friends and relatives who accompany her everywhere she goes.

(entrance of Josephine, Hebe, Phoebe and cousins)

Song: I am the Monarch of the Sea

End of Song: I am the Monarch of the Sea

Captain: In honor of your esteemed visit, my sailors have prepared an entertaining musical number.

Song: Honeybun

End of Song: Honeybun

Josephine: That was wonderful…

Cousin Hebe: And perfectly timed because we’ve also prepared a song

Cousin Phoebe: In honor our visit to the HMS Pinafore.

Song: I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair

End of Song: I’m Gonna Wash that Man

Josephine: As you can see, we’re all extremely talented.

Hebe: Especially our cousin Phoebe. Why don’t you sing something for them, Phoebe?

Song: When there was me and you

End of Song: When there was me and you

Captain: That was fantastic. You might not know this, but before she became a sailor, Dana Deadeye was a singer.

Song: TBD Kestine Solo

End of Song: TBD Kestine Solo

Josephine: You have a remarkably fine crew, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: Is is a fine crew, Miss Josephine.

Hebe: A British sailor is a splendid person, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: A splendid person indeed, Cousin Hebe.

Phoebe: Never forget they are the bulwarks of England’s greatness, Captain Corcoran.

Captain: So I have always considered them, Cousin Phoebe.

Josephine: No bullying I trust, no strong language of any kind, eh?

Captain: Oh never, Miss Josephine!

Phoebe: What, never?

Captain: Hardly, ever. They are an excellent crew and do their work thoroughly without it.

Hebe: Don’t patronize them, pray, don’t patronize them.

Captain: Certainly not.

Josephine: That you are their captain is an accident of birth. I cannot permit these noble women to be patronized because of an accident of birth.

Captain: I am the last person to insult a British sailor!

Hebe: You are the last person who did. Ask that sailor there to come forward.

Captain: Dana Deadeye, come forward.

Josephine: If what?

Captain: I beg your pardon.

Phoebe: If you please.

Captain: Yes, of course. If you please (sighs)

Josephine: Since you’re a singer, you will be able to teach this the rest of the crew (hands her a piece of paper) It is a song I have composed for the use of the royal navy. It is designed to encourage independence of thought and action in the lower branches of the service, and to teach the principle that a British sailor is anyone’s equal except for ours.

First Mate: (to Leilan) In commemoration of this joyous occasion, see that extra grog is served out to the ship’s company at seven bells.

Sailor Leilan: Beg pardon, if what?

First Mate: If what, I don’t think I understand you.

Sailor Leilan: If you please.

Captain: What!

Josephine: She is quite right, if you please.

First Mate: If you please.

Song: For I hold that on the seas exit music

End of Song: For I hold that on the seas

(All exit except Buttercup, Pamina, Papagena, and Captain.)

Buttercup: I know how to take care of all this nonsense about class and names. You two go and join the others while I put my plan into action. Just remember to back me up later on.

(Pamina and Papagena leave)

Song: Things are seldom what they seem

End of Song: Things are seldom what they seem

Buttercup: Do you understand me?

Captain: Yes… I mean… no.

(Everyone returns to stage)

Archer: Ah! Miss Josephine is a true lady, courteous and considerate to the very humblest.

First Mate: True, but we are not the very humblest.

Sailor: Miss Josephine has explained our true position to us.

Sailor: As she says, a British sailor is anyone’s equal excepting her own and her cousin’s.

Sailor: And if Miss Josephine says that, is it not our duty to believe her?

Deadeye: May be, but we all lack birth.

Boatswain: You’ve berth right on board this very ship!

First Mate: What is to be done with this hopeless girl? Let us have her lead us in the song that Miss Josephine and her esteemed cousins Hebe and Phoebe have kindly composed for us. Perhaps it will bring the miserable creature into the proper state of mind!

Song: A British Tar

End of Song: A British Tar

Buttercup: Cease your revelry! I have a confession to make. As you might not know, when I was just a girl, I was a member of the Babysitter’s club.

All: No!

Buttercup: Yes! I had two babies in my charge, one of low condition and the other of high rank. Being young and silly, I mixed the two babies up.

All: No!

Buttercup: Yes! One of those babies was your captain and the other was Dana Deadeye!

All: No!

Josephine: So I am to understand that Deadeye and the Captain where change at birth so the Captain is actually Deadeye and Deadeye is really the captain.

Phoebe: That doesn’t seem very likely to me.

Hebe: It makes no sense at all.

Buttercup: I have witnesses! (Pamina and Papagena raise their hands)

First Mate: Well if there are witnesses, it’s obviously completely true, no matter how implausible it might seem.

(Captain and Deadeye exchange hats)

Josephine: Captain, desire that remarkably fine sailor to step forward.

Deadeye: Corcoran, come here!

Captain: If what? If you please!

Hebe: That’s right, if you please!

Deadeye: If you please!

Phoebe: So it seems that all along you were Deadeye and Deadeye was you.

Captain: So it would seem.

Buttercup: And now your name is Deadeye, all the sailors will be obliged to hate you for it, because as you know, a person named Deadeye can hardly be considered a popular character.

Everyone: Oh no!

Buttercup: You mean you wouldn’t hate your former captain just because her name is now Deadeye?

Everyone: Oh no!

Buttercup: Then what have we learned today?

Boatswain: We have learned that everyone is all right, as long as they’re English!

Song: She is an Englishman

End of Song: She is an Englishman

Perky: Hey, those two aren’t English!

Papagena: Well, neither are you!

Pinky: But we have flags!

Josephine: It’s true they do have flags.

Bosun: And they’ve chosen to have English flags, which speaks very highly of their character.

Deadeye: But remember, we’ve learned not to judge people based on things like that!

Captain: I thought we learned that everybody should be English.

Cousin Hebe: Precisely right, everyone should be English.

Cousin Phoebe: I think that means you two had better leave.

Buttercup: I don’t know why I even try. I really don’t.

First Mate Rackstraw: We’ll just set you on shore here, wherever here is, and if you ever decide to become English, be sure to let us know!

Everyone waves goodbye and changes the scene as the dialogue continues except for Deadeye and Buttercup who “facepalm” then leave talking together. The ship’s wheel is taken off, the palms are brought on and the castle gate comes in.

Perky: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

Pinky: I think so Pinky but how would we make “Springtime for Hitler” fit into the plot?

Perky: Pinky! Focus! Our enemies are alone. Now is the time to strike!

They start to attack but Pamina brandishes the flute

Pinky: Now is the time to run away! (they exit)

Pamina: Where are we? I don’t recognize this place at all.

Papagena: This place is giving me the creeps, let’s get out of here! (she tries to run off but is stopped by the spirits)

Song: I Whistle a Happy Tune

End of Song: I Whistle a Happy Tune

Pamina: See? It’s not so bad as all that. We can do this!

(Papageno enters)

Papagena: You’re right! Wait a minute, who is that? (starts trying to whistle) It’s not working!

Papageno: The Birdcatcher’s Song

End of Birdcatcher’s Song

Papagena: Papageno! I’ve finally found you!

Papageno: You mean that I’ve found you. Everyone’s been worried sick. Why did you wander off anyway?

Papagena: I didn’t mean to, it was the evil pink flamingo twins who caused all the trouble!

Papageno: Evil pink flamingo twins? I know how to take care of them, all I need is a bigger net. Come with me!
(They exit)

(The Queen enters with her handmaidens, singing)

Song: V’adoro pupille

End of Song: V’adoro pupille

Queen: Pamina’s been away for a long time and I’m getting worried. Sing me a song to take my mind off it.

Song: Ach ich fuhl’s

End of Song: Ach ich fuhl’s

Lindsay: It’s getting late, we’d better get going if we want to reach Sarastro’s palace.

(They exit)

(Enter Papagena followed by Pinky and Perky followed by Pamina and Papageno with the net)

Papagena: Here I am, all by myself, I sure hope that I don’t run into any flamingos.

Pinky: Evil pink flamingo twin powers, activate!

Perky: How many times do I have to tell you that we don’t have superpowers. Let’s just get her!

Papageno: Not so fast! (opens his net) Whenever I open my net, all the birds fly into it.

Pinky and Perky are compelled like zombies towards the net

Perky: No, it’s not fair you can’t do this to us!

Pinky: I’m too pink to die!

They go into the net and pout

Sarastro enters with the Queen, ladies, handmaidens, spirits and Pinafore crew

Queen: Pamina! (Pamina runs to her and hugs her) I thought you’d never get here!

Pamina: I got a little sidetracked because of those dreadful flamingos!

Sarastro: Here in my realm, no one is dreadful.
Deadeye: Well put. In this place my crew has finally understood that all people deserve to be treated fairly, even if they aren’t English.

Song: Within these holy portals

End of Song: Within these holy portals.

Sarastro: Just because I believe in fairness and love doesn’t mean I can let you two get away with making trouble. What do you have to say for yourselves?

Song: What the Dicky Birds Say

End of Song: What the Dicky Birds Say

Sarastro: Do you both promise that from now on, the Dickey Birds are going to tell you to be very good flamingos?

Pinky: But we are good flamingos…

Perky: What she means is that we were always good on the inside and we’ll be good on the outside too from now on.

Queen: Then let’s celebrate with songs. My handmaidens will entertain us with Tomorrow and Castle on a Cloud.

Song: Tomorrow
Song: Castle on a Cloud

End of Song: Castle on a Cloud

Sarastro: And now we’ve finished our adventure and it’s time to leave.

Papagena: I wish we could go back and do it again!

Pamina: Don’t worry, we’ll have another adventure soon enough.

Papageno: Mostly likely in December!

Josephine Porter: That’s seems pretty far away.

Lady: It will be here sooner than you think, and we can always dream about it until then!

Song: Any Dream Will Do

FIN

Sherlock Holmes trailer...

Tue, 19 May 2009 02:51:21 GMT

I honestly cannot tell you whether I love this like woah or hate it with the burning hatred of a thousand hate filled suns that are feeling very very angry indeed?

On the one side, Jude Law is the perfect Watson. He's actually like the Watson from the books, rather than the loser Watson we usually see in the movies. You can believe him romancing the occasional damsel in distress. I can also see Robert Downey Jr. in his role, even if he is channeling Johnny Depp's performance in From Hell. But then there's... everything else...

This is going to be in my head all day.

Sat, 16 May 2009 23:23:56 GMT

It makes me want to film my German Shepherd chowing down on her "doggie lollypop" or possibly on my shoes...

Ice skating brings the crazy

Thu, 14 May 2009 21:05:24 GMT

We have the video from this year's ice skating recital. As one of my students pointed out, everything is crazier when there's ice skating involved. Kids dressed up as monsters? Not so crazy. Kids dressed up as monsters wearing ice skates and attempting to skate in a straight line? Wackier than Walter the Wackjob winner of the Worldwide Wacko award.

There are also moments when the kids pull it together and rock their icy little world. The Harry Potter drill team was totally awesome. The finale torch-wielding mob scene in Frankenstein on ice looked really cool. That being said, the crazy moments are more fun to talk about.

Back in the day, my sister and I both figure skated. Mom forced us. We were dragged kicking and screaming and plopped onto the ice, not because Mom thought we had any talent at all or harbored any hopes of us being any good at it, but because she was sick of seeing us sitting in front of "the boob tube" all day long. As far as she was concerned, all the kids' programming was nothing but ads for toys and crap (and she was right about that, hello Rainbow Brite Show, My Little Pony Show and ZOMG Gummi Bears!!!) So, we get shoved into skating lessons. Eventually, we even sort of practiced because you had to pass the tests in order to get onto the skating teams that all your friends were on or to get a SOLO IN THE YEAR END RECITAL.

Today, the solos are more planned out and set. That doesn't mean you don't occasionally end up with a teenager dressed as a sexy sexy monk skating to a song about getting high because that still totally happens and did totally happen. Oh, ice skating, never stop being that insane. These days you have to be a Freestyle level 7 or 8 or something to get a solo and they only give out a few. When we skated as kids, you only had to be a level 4 and they had different solos every night for 3-4 shows. Yes, the skating recital was so long that it took 3 or 4 nights. It was like Lord of the Rings only with skating and sparkles and pop music.

When my sister finally was eligible for her very own solo, she decided that she wanted to skate to music from the Disneyland Electric Parade. She had this super cool Mickey Mouse outfit that a costumer had made for her (she had helped out on a show and she got a custom made costume in lieu of pay.) Then either she or Mom came up with this brilliant idea that it would be super cool if she came out of a light parade float. Nevermind that none of us had any experience making any kind of a float, not even a float that you pull along in a wagon. We'd all seen behind the scenes specials and it was all about chicken wire right? So my sister or my mother or both of them decided to make a giant mushroom float.

When you think about it, a giant mushroom is not the ideal project for a first time builder of electrical parade floats. Those things are complicated. They have engineering and stuff. We had chicken wire and Christmas lights. My dad flat out refused to be involved, which only made my mom more determined to make the thing work. So she assembled fabric and lights and chicken wire into... you have to know where this is going... a giant, glowing penis.

I said nothing about the penis because I am not crazy. I already knew that you do not get in between Mom and her figure skating stuff. Believe me, I tried. I bruised my freakin' tailbone and she sent me right back out onto the ice because that's how hardcore Mom is. You don't leave practice for anything that doesn't require an immediate trip to the emergency room. The more Dad talked about the giant penis, the more Mom insisted that it looked like a mushroom and we were just being mean. It was a MUSHROOM dammit.

And that, my friends, is how my sister ended up dressed as an ice-skating Mickey Mouse birthed from a giant, skating, glowing penis.

About three years later, Mom watched the home video (for old time's sake) and face-palmed.

Only in an ice skating recital, guys, only in an ice skating recital. If the performances didn't always hit during my busiest seasons, I would go to that recital every year in the hopes of watching a team of teenaged Dr. Frankenfurters performing a tribute to The Rocky Horror Picture or my own contribution, a skating Horatio Caine using the sunglasses of justice to track down the reindeer who ran over grandma. Only in an ice skating recital, you guys, only in an an ice skating recital.

Verdi does Star Trek or Star Trek does Verdi

Thu, 14 May 2009 18:08:49 GMT

I would totally go to see this. It's actually good. Even having the cast carrying on the prop ships looks kind of brilliant. Why can't all modern opera look like this?

My opinion, let me show you it...

Sat, 09 May 2009 22:15:38 GMT

In response to this bit of chicken soup for the musician's soul:

Yes, music is about as close as we can get to real magic. It has power that is hard to explain, but it's there nonetheless.

The power of music does not, however, put food on the table. Hence, I'll add:

As your children are sitting on the street corner, playing for tips because they are so far above mere entertainers who get paid, they can take comfort in their higher purpose. When they go home to their tiny studio apartments, which they share with roommates, and ponder whether cockroaches can be used as a source of low-cost protein, they will be filled with the inner joy that comes of knowing that they are better than everyone else in the whole world... even if no one else in the whole world is inclined to agree. So, don't think for one minute that the armloads of cash you will be forking over to us for the next four or more years will be a waste. Always remember that delusional is special because they both end in "al." Thank you.

I'm an entertainer. Entertainment is a glorious thing. Entertainment is the thing that takes us to another, better place for a few seconds or a few minutes or a few hours. Entertainment is such a powerful force that people are practically willing to worship those who provide it and that's why everyone and their siblings is trying to squeeze into the field.

But I don't believe for one second that I'm special or magical or higher than thou because mine is the butt in front of the audience. Entertainment is all about the communion between the performer(s) and the people out there experiencing the performance. The magic only happens when we reach out to them and connect with them. The magic only happens when we're willing to strip our souls bare so that the world can see what we're made of and can experience what we're creating. Anything less and we're a bunch of assholes making a spectacle of ourselves, no matter how much we're getting paid to do it. Know what's even worse? No one is fooled by our bullshit, not for one single second. It's everyone's worst nightmare, standing buck naked in front of a jeering crowd... a jeering crowd armed with iphones so they can share photos and comments in real time. Welcome to the internet age.

So, if you are driven to give of yourself for the sake of bringing a little brightness into people's lives for a second or a moment or an hour, then you're one of the blessed. You will come away feeling full every time you share your talent.

Professional music, it's like joining the Peace Corps only there's no health plan and you don't get nearly as much credit.

Mon, 04 May 2009 17:49:25 GMT

I have the Figaro Photo DVD, but I can't figure out how to grab images. It's this freaky-deaky slide show with music. So, I have to wait for the opera company to update their production photos page so I can grab images, other than this one:

I kinda loved that yellow dress.

Pass the brain bleach.

Sun, 03 May 2009 02:44:55 GMT

I've been having nightmares ever since I first viewed this... mostly because I actually have seen a porno that looked exactly like this. No. I'm serious. It's like the director saw the same clip and thought "This would make an awesome music video if we cast an opera star and cut the money shots!"

Just in case you don't want to watch this artistic masterpiece, I'll sum up. Once upon a time, there was a place that looked just like the set of Dark City, only it was light there. All of the extras from the first Stargate movie lived there happily, experimenting with Jack Sparrow's painted eye makeup techniques from the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie and hanging out with a dude who was passed up for the oracle gig in 300 because the oracle is supposed to be a chick. Then, Elrond's kinky cousin dropped by for some BDSM action with a naked fashion model who was, apparently, doing a centerfold for the Museum Replicas catalog. Then, suddenly, a giant bowling ball tried to crush them, but they foiled it's evil scheme by stepping out of the way before it smushed them and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

Video is NSFW in case you haven't guessed that already.

Dreamwidth, I is there.

Sat, 02 May 2009 04:50:58 GMT

In case anyone has a Dreamwidth account, I'm tytaniastrange over there. I really did mean to change handles but this one is so me. Ironic that when I created it, I was trying to be something other myself. My brain does this sort of thing because it hates me.

Oh, and in case it matters, I don't plan to abandon LJ or shut off comments or whatever it is people do. I keep hearing of a miraculous cross-posting feature, so it seems to me that things can carry on with business as usual for the time being.

Reviewing The Sandman Volume One: Preludes and Nocturnes

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 08:03:43 GMT

Yes, this is how I have to fill up my time between wondering why my computer desk smells disturbingly like candy and blaming the Canadian Tourism industry for swine flu (if people can't go to Mexico for vacations, they'll have to come to Canada! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! EH!)

The Sandman Volume One: Preludes and Nocturnes

It is so weird to revisit these "graphic novels" which were actually in comic book form when I first encountered them. You see, in the intervening years, every single groundbreaking comic has been turned into a lame cliche. Everything from the storytelling conventions to the style of the artwork has been used and re-used to the point where if I have to look at one more illustration of gooey, still living, mushed up flesh (I am looking at you, Clive Barker) I will scream. Seriously. I am over seeing entire pages of peachy, bilious red with some squiggles and an eyeball (there's always an eyeball, like the entire body went into the blender but that eyeball somehow survived.) Done. Someone needs to start drawing something else.

The other problem in graphic art is that stuff that sounds really scary when you type it out, looks somewhat less impressive when rendered as an image. Take, for an unrelated example, Sauron's appearance in the film version of Return of the King. Sauron went to how much effort to come back from wherever it was he went off to the last time he was killed and this how it all turns out. He's an angry, flaming eyeball stuck on top of building who shoots laserbeams or something. That's just sad. It's no wonder he's pissed off. Or, as another example, there's a ruler of Hell in this comic who looks like a cranky, red artichoke with eyes. No, really. Everytime I see this character, I expect an cameo from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force when I turn the page. I'm sure the concept was extremely scary when the wrote it down, but it doesn't translate well in the medium.

Okay, moving right along, Sandman is one of THE comics of the 1990's. Those were the days when comics had suddenly become cool... well, cool among geeks because I sure as hell never ran into any yuppies at the comic store while picking up the latest issue of Fangoria... and one of the big cool things was the idea that the comic genre could be twisted around. One of the things I like about Watchmen is the lack of Superman and Batman. Seeing random characters from other stories screams "This is a comic, isn't this cool????" It pulls you out of the story. The cameo appearances from random people are the main problem with the first issues of Sandman. They suck.

The second problem lies in the choppiness of the story. Sometimes, events move really fast. Then everything grinds to a halt and the story feels like a bunch of filler or a sad excuse for another cameo appearance. I didn't need to see John Constantine in this comic. It doesn't work. It's lame.

I. The Sleep of the Just- Illustrated by Sam Kieth and Mike Dringenberg

I actually like the art in this one. There are colors and Dream doesn't look like he has just formed a Cure coverband. So, this guy has some magical ceremony and captures Dream who is trapped, buck nekkid, in a glass thing where he proceeds to say nothing and be generally scary. Eventually, all his stuff is sold off and years go by. People have weird dreams. The background is well done and everything other than Dream's helmet (it looks like he decided to dress up as Gonzo from the Muppets, and they knew about Gonzo so there's no excuse for that) is cool. Oh yes, there's an eyeball or two because we all know that when your head explodes, your eyeballs remain intact. I see one lame superhero reference, flaming Oberon, you guys, can we never get over the damn superheroes?

II. Imperfect Hosts-Illustrated by Sam Kieth and Mike Dringenberg

I'm not really sure how I feel about all the Cain and Abel stuff. On the one hand, I like the characters. On the other hand, I'd like to get back to the story plsthanks. I do like some of the detail in the drawings. We meet Dr. Destiny for the first time. He looks bad, but nowhere near as bad as he will look later on. In dreamland, Dream calls up the fates who provide some information about his missing stuff. Here's the gratuitous John Constantine mention. Allow me to write how that should have worked out "John Constantine has your crap. It's in a safe deposit box because, being all into Hell and shit, he knew how badass your stuff is. He said he tried to call you but you never picked up. Here's his number. The end."

III. Dream a Little Dream of Me- Illustrated by Sam Kieth and Mike Dringenberg

John Constantine is a dumbass. There's one panel where he looks like he's wearing Hammertime pants. The proprtions need some work. Dream has started looking exactly like Niel Gaiman would look if he was in a Cure tribute band. Gratuitous sex. Check. Icky pinkish wall o' gore. Check. What, no eyeball? Look, John Constantine and his hideous yellow hair killed it all for me. Moving right along...

IV. A Hope in Hell- Illustrate by Sam Kieth and Mike Dringenberg

Some of the detail in the Hell backgrounds is awesome. The closeup of Lucifer is great, too bad his coworkers are an angry red artichoke with eyes and a pair of legs with a fly's head that looks like a pair of hairy scrotum. Yeah, some of Dream's stuff is here in Hell because if I were a demon from Hell with cool stuff, I would totally go to Hell and sit around doing nothing with it. Yep. That's what I'd do. The demon challenges Dream to that contest of changing into stuff. I remember that one from that Disney movie King Arthur. Mad Madam Mim was hardcore, folks. Also, Dr. Destiny's mom sent him an eyeball. I'm telling you, those things are indestructible.

V. Passenger- Illustrated by Sam Kieth and Malcolm Jones III

You guys, if the Phantom of the Opera was running around naked, he would totally look like Dr. Destiny. At least, book!Phantom would look like him. If Gerry Butler woke up looking like that he'd... I was going to say "Kill himself" but who am I kidding, he'd just go to the plastic surgeon and have it fixed. The Scarecrow is the first cameo that hasn't sucked. They actually worked him into the story well. Who the crap is "Scott Free" and what does he have to do with anything? Again, this is lame. The backgrounds are not as rich in this issue, can we go back to Hell with Scotum Face and the Artichoke of Wrath? Dr. destiny is seriously mental, y'all. I think the sequences where he's being pleasant are even ickier than... well, let's move ahead to the ick and pretend like the green Martian cameo (WTF????) never happened.

VI. 24 Hours- Illustrated by Mike Dringenberg and Malcolm Jones III

Okay, so Dr. Destiny or Dee or whoever has the ruby of magicness and he's doing terrible things at a diner. God, I want some roast chicken right now. That would great.... mmm... roasty... This is the issue where everyone said "ZOMG! It's horror! It's genius!!!" This much, I can say, unlike some people (I'm looking at you, Clive Barker, yet again) Gaiman writes horror that I can actually follow. I've had problems in the past (wait, was that a gate to Hell or they called up the thing with that other thing, hold on, I have to reread the last chapter.) This is scary stuff. It's also totally not what people usually want from Sandman. No fantasy. No perky Death, Just as random, naked evil guy with creepy eyeballs (I'm telling you, this eyeball thing is a fixation in comics.) One other thing worth noting, this is the first time I've noticed the 90's hair. You can't miss it. It's like 80's hair but bigger.

VII. Sound and Fury- Illustrated by Mike Dringenberg and Malcolm Jones III

Dream now has a full on case of the goths. It's a tragic disorder characterized by an unnatural compulsion to dye one's hair black, overuse styling products and shop at Hot Topic. I'll be hosting a telethon. Donate now! Scary naked guy ends up back at Arkham and the world is saved except for all those people who died before anyone got around to saving anyone.

VIII. The Sound of Her Wings- Illustrated by Mike dringenberg and Malcolm Jones III

This is the Sandman that we all remember. Perky death the quintessential nineties goth. A dark tone with an element of wistful fantasy. A lack of panels full of dripping eyeballs. This is totally different from the rest of the book. Different color palette. Different tone. More open space between illustrations. Some panels are less detailed but the overall look is much cleaner. This is the epilogue to the story, and a "feel good" to whatever extent death feels good story to wrap things up. You need it after the Dr. Destiny, the relentlessly ookie naked guy. Nevertheless, it still doesn't seem to match. I feel like this is the first book of another volume, rather than the end of this one. Also, some of Gaiman's dialogue is very stilted. For every great line (like when Death extolls the virtues of Mary Poppins) there's a clunker (" You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, appallingest excuse for an anthropomorphic personification..." yeah, I know, big words are funny ha-ha but it's stilted, doesn't match the rest of Death's dialogue and perky goth girls don't talk like this... even I didn't and I was more into my vocabulary than most)

Borders had this book out as an option for people who like Watchmen, because as we all know, all graphic novels are pretty much the same. To me, it's a very different genre in it's way. Watchmen is a brilliant use of the comic book hero type. In Sandman, comic conventions fall flat.The story is much more successful when it is entirely in it's own world. Worth reading? I finished it in an hour, so I can say that it's definitely interesting and engrossing. It was a fun trip back to the nineties.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:16:16 GMT

The 'rents booked a cruise down the western coast of Mexico. Dad has been bitching ever since that he'd rather have booked a cruise to Canada. As of yesterday, their cruise has been re-routed to, you guessed it, Canada. Seriously, when he announced the news, I thought he was making that crap up. The best part is they have to fly down to LA, so they can get on the boat and cruise back up here. They have a shore excursion that day. They're thinking of dropping by the house for some face time with the dog. Seriously, that just ain't right.

LUSH: Godiva Shampoo Bar

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:05:13 GMT

Because I like talking about random stuff...

LUSH Godiva Shampoo Bar

Outside of a bottle of Neutrogena's anti-residue shampoo (which is one of the most useful products ever), I haven't purchased shampoo since September. I decided that it was time to use up the massive amount of shampoo that I already had. You would not believe how fast I can accumulate random products that I don't need. One of the things that I noticed while working my way through a ton of product was the insane amount of packaging I was throwing away. I was overflowing the recycle bin every week with plastic bottles. So, I decided that I would at least try to switch from bottled shampoo to a shampoo bar with little or no packaging.

This past month, I hit a wall with the shampoo. Everything I had left was unused because it was really crappy shampoo. Maybe the stuff works for other people, but I was alternating between dry, tangled hair and greasy, limp hair. So, I made an executive decision that six months was a damned good run and I had, after all, used up every last bit of decent product. It was time for some new shampoo. So, I headed off to LUSH and bought the very last Godiva shampoo bar they had. I actually had to take the little product information skewer out of it.

I have purchased bar shampoo from LUSH once before. That was back when you had to ask a salesperson to break off a chunk for you. I purchased some of the hard water solid shampoo which turned out to hate both the hard water and my hair. The stuff refused to lather. Instead, it would crumble into bits that I would then have to rinse and/or pick out of my hair. It sucked. However, I am nothing if not hopeful, or, more likely, stupid, and I decided to give this another go with a different product.

The Godiva shampoo bar smells like yummy jasmine. In fact, it smells almost oppressively like jasmine, to the point that you wonder if the smell won't end up driving you from the bathroom the first time you try to use it. Nevertheless, I do like jasmine and the product description sounded like the most likely to agree with my hair. My hair is, for lack of a better word, weird. It's sort of fine and there's a lot of it and it doesn't seem to mind being colored, permed and bleached into submission. In fact, my hair likes it. No, there's no meaning behind that, you pervs.

This morning, it was time for a test run. I wet my hair, as instructed by the LUSH website and lathered up. Well, holy damn, there was lather and plenty of it. The water here is majorly the suck, so lather is an issue with many shampoos. I was able to use considerably less product that I normally would. The smell was quite nice and didn't set off my sinuses. I've had problems with drugstore shampoos and some salon brands because the perfumes either made my nose stuff up or irritated my skin. The jasmine was fine, which surprised me. I had some conditioner on hand, in case it was needed, but opted not to use any. My hair felt slick enough to comb through, so that's good.

The end result has, thus far, been gorgeous hair. For once, my hair was easy to comb, easy to dry and easy to style. We'll see how things go with regular use, but for now, I am giving a thumbs up. My hair smells clean and not at all perfumed and it feels smooth and not at all greasy. There are no new bottles to add to the collection and the baggie from the store can be composted. What's not to love?

Shopping

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 04:12:55 GMT

This afternoon, I went to the mall for brunch. The great joy of having a church gig is searching for places that serve brunch after 2pm when everyone is finally free. So, we had to go to the diner at the mall.

And then we shopped.

And I bought a dress.

For the dog.

I know. I know. I have a gorgeous, perfectly bred German Shepherd. The entire K-9 squad from the local police station goes all squee over this dog, that's what a perfect German Shepherd she is. So, what do we do? We dress her in little outfits and have her do tricks. I know. I know. I already heard it from the dog store people when I asked if they had anything else for a dog over seventy pounds.

In fact, they had a pink, puffy parka for a dog over seventy pounds, but what the crap is my German Shepherd going to do with a puffy, pink park (trimmed with faux fur and hearts, I might add) in the late spring?

Sadly, had it been December, I probably would have bought the stupid thing.

Open letter to the bottle rocket kids

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 04:20:44 GMT

Dear Bottle Rocket Teens down the way,

it's not just that I already kind of hate you. I've been praying nightly that your next bottle rocket blows some kid's hand off so that I can enjoy the drama as they bleed to death while waiting for the ambulance. If anyone deserves a tragic brush with Darwin, it's you guys if only because you're dumb enough to set of bottle rockets in front of your own stupid house. Way to hide your sins, kids. Tonight however, you have gone too far. It's not that you have a garage band or that your band is playing an impromptu concert for the entire neighborhood. The problem is that your band is shit. You guys really really really suck. A lot. You're a pathetic Marilyn Manson copy, minus the sense of style or anything that would differentiate one sucktastic song from the next. You guys really really suck. In fact, you may be the worst band in the entire world, although I'll have to consult with my bandom friends before I give you the title. There are a lot of sucky bands out there, so you might be up against some stiff competition.

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, I know that I have prayed many times for the bottle rocket kids to be killed or disfigured in horrific bottle rocket accidents. I'd just like to make sure that if my prayers are granted, they blow off whatever hand you use to play the electric guitar like some sorry reject from that Heavy Metal documentary. I realize that this will require some heavy duty maiming, since the metal sound was developed by a guy who was kinda maimed. Well, they deserve it. Just listen to that noise, baby Jesus. This is the tenth song that sounds exactly like the first song.

You fucking suck, bottle rocket kids. YOU. FUCKING. SUCK.

Why can't I have Curt Cobain's re-incarnation for a neighbor instead of a bunch suck ass, faux hard core, suburban pussies?

-Tytania

Pointless poll for fun and profit

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 21:19:55 GMT

At the last minute, and when I say last minute, I mean that the show opens this evening, my mother is assembling six more costumes and two more props for the six little kids who were added into the Frankenstein number yesterday. At dress rehearsal. How insane is this?

And in other news, how about an LJ poll...

View Poll: How much cursing is acceptable in an urban fantasy novel?

Feel free to expound in the comments. In fact, feel free to totally go off on random tangents about your own writing, books you've read recently and/or Tarantino movies. Or whatever. I'm not picky.

Fight or flight in the parking lot

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:16:26 GMT

Every so often, my delicate, inner sense of "get me the Hell out of here" goes off. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the most neurotic person alive and my fight or flight responses are totally messed up. Nevertheless, I tend to obey those signals because every time I ignore them, it leads to trouble. I'd rather be a little bit crazy and safe, yanno?

Now, there is no punchline to this story. No body parts turn up in anybody's freezer. I just think about the way I interact with the world. I have to, because I am crazy. When you know you're crazy, you have to stop every so often just to make sure you're still passing for sane. Moving right along, I was walking through a parking lot to the Starbucks. We all know I'm an addict. We all know that I'd bitchslap my own dear old mama for the sake of a grande mocha. My mind is in "taking care of business" mode. As I'm walking, I hear some guy giving me the "hey you" from behind. Just as a side note, if you don't know a person well enough to remember their name, then don't talk to them. Let them talk to you, if they remember you better. At first, I don't think the summons is for me, but at last I turn around because the guy is getting louder not quieter. He then asks me if I was part of the local high school class of whatever.

Here's the deal, I can remember a few people from school. I remember the people on my choir, the girls from cheerleading, and some of the people I sat with in class. I don't know them well enough to chase them down the street, but if someone said "Hey, it's Jennifer from the fetal pig incident!" I'd know who it was and I'd be happy to chat. Kids, I had no idea who the goddamned hell this dude was. Even when he gave me his name, I was like "Ummm did we actually interract ever?" Nor did he recall my name. He had to ask. He just, somehow, recognized me from high school. This happens on a semi-regular basis. Apparently, I still look almost exactly the same. Thing is, the whole situation creeped me right on out. This is a person who really doesn't know me, trying to get me to come over to his big-ass truck and hang out. His truck is parked next to his buddy's big ass truck, which makes it all the more intimidating. More than that, what is the point of talking to some woman he doesn't even know? Yeah, we went to the same high school but we weren't friends, didn't share any activities and most certainly didn't date. If a man wants to fucking talk to me, he doesn't expect me to march my ass across the fucking parking lot. He gets out of his damn truck like he was raised right and walks over to me. Hence, my creep out buttons were pressed and I made some excuse and headed off for my Starbucks.

Then, inside Starbucks, I ran into one of the people from this summer opera program I did in college and we chatted for something like twenty minutes.

Needless to say, I asked myself if I had issues about my high school past that were all worked out by the time I went to opera camp in college. Am I avoiding my high school classmates, you know, outside of my entire high school choir department on Facebook? Why did I have so many warning bells going off about truck dude? He actually did have the right year and school and all that, so I don't think he was lying. What was the trigger? Well, that's easy. Look at the way he interacted with me. He didn't get out of his truck. He didn't approach me on my level. he expected me to cross the parking lot to him while he sat in his truck. That's weird. It doesn't make sense. You converse with someone on their level. If you're the one making overtures, you approach them. You don't call people over to you. All of his physical and behavior signals said "I don't see you as an equal, I don't value you" hence my mind decides "If you are treating me like this, then I cannot trust you. You aren't demonstrating empathy, and that means you may be dehumanizing me in order to use me." My lizard brain doesn't know if the guy is planning to hit on me, rape me, kill me or attempt to convert me to his religion, it just decides that it's not in my best interest to stick around. By contrast, my colleague in the Starbucks walked up to me and initiated a conversation like god intended.

So, the good news is that I'm probably still reasonably sane and don't pester me before I've had my coffee.